Thursday, 27 February 2014

Suckle on this

Sam is so weak now that I'm wondering if I'd better start breast feeding him. I must be full of milk since I learnt about my oestoporosis prevention window (age 29 practically no more calcium gets in) and started yoghurt loading. I had eight today.
I'm surprised it doesn't just drip out and stain my extensive range of woollen clothes. When I actually have a baby I'll probably end up accidentally breast milk water boarding it.

Sam seems to like being held like a baby anyway. Good practise.

Mollycoddling him further I made us these soft oat and nut snack bars to keep us going. I mixed porridge oats, all mum's honey because i'm sweet like that, jam, nuts and peanut butter together then baked it with a topping of seeds. Having no teeth he does take a while to eat a bar of it but it at least that'll keep him busy whilst he lives forever.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Fran and the beanstalk

It's a point of pride for me to eat the entire apple. Stalk, pips, core. My party trick shall we say. It started when I was working at the eating disorders unit and my delusional soon to be ex boyfriend and soon to be sacked co worker told the patients that apple pips had cyanide in it. To prove a point I ate a whole apple sans stalk infront of a table of malnourished patients with open mouths.

Then I was on the overground recently and I heard three ten year olds talking. "I can eat the whole of an apple" said one smugly. All of it? The others chorused. "Pips, and the core", she bragged. "Oh but not the stalk."

That was when I upgraded. All or nothing.

By now I'm pretty experienced at my apple party trick but I had a bit of a shock recently when an apple pip dropped out my mouth shortly before eating. And it was growing a stalk.

What if that was inside me? What would happen? I've known Douglas Firs grow in people's lungs before from inhaled pine needles. Nice dark warm environment.. This would surely go the same way.  I decided not to chance it. I'm probably magical enough! I shall stick to my other two party tricks of downing a pint of water and letting people touch my upper arm skin.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Shiny happy people

Had a funny dream the other night that I was giving a speech at my (heavily feminist) wedding. I was winningly telling the guests how much I love Louis because he makes me the person I want to be- a more shiny version. And I had a heckler! This rude person shouted back " yeah only shiny when he comes on your face". How rude and untrue.
Well you're uninvited!

What is actually shiny is the sheen of melted cheese on top of this cauliflower pizza I just made. It's meant to be a healthy alternative to dough. You grate cauliflower and mix it with egg and chopped garlic and oregano and basil. I was going to make twice the recipe amount, thus buying twice the amount of cheese listed made sense. But then I got fed up of grating cauliflower and my skin (so similar looking) and ended up with less cauliflower- more Parmesan and mozzarella.
I laid out the base on a baking tray and blanketed it with with much more mozzarella, ringed red onion, and sliced tomatoes. I had it with just as oily sweet potato chips.

It was delicious but I had a greasy tongue in my mouth all night.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Hot and brothered

After some fun evenings playing Hansel and Gretel with Sam...
Not really, his food bowl just happens to be too near the open fire. Anyway- I was pretty worn out. I really needed to unwind.

I made, well, actually Mum made- which is even more relaxing, this Tunisian chickpea broth.

Its a broth of chickpeas, stock, onions, cumin, harissa, lemon. Over a chunk of crusty bread in a bowl. Top with chopped pepper and a poached egg. It was amazing. Sam and I have eaten it for the last four lunches. I'm fattening him up....