Thursday, 13 March 2014

A girl named Fran

Some bitch named Jack seems to have stolen my schtick. Just because she's a tomboy and she knows the supermarket freezer cabinet like she knows the cover to cover of the tv times (because she never goes out either I assume) she's shot to fame. Oh puhlease. I've been passing off frozen veg  and quorn mince as gourmet bolognaise for years! Would it help if I got a little boy? Not really sure where to get one of those. Frozen aisle? Distract its parent in the Aunt Bessie section.

Failing a book deal I can still please the fans at home. This is a recipe I stole off her. Tit for tat.

Pearl barley risotto with sweet potato. Just cook the sweet potato, then cook the pearl barley with stock over it. Then add feta. As simple as her raggedy hair cut. 

Thursday, 6 March 2014

Sick of you

Lexie and I are spending too much time together now I live at home and don't see any friends. I came home from uni the other day to find he'd eaten my last other companion in a fit of jealousy. A near life size white chocolate dog. I found the red ribbon once snappily adorning my dog's neck at the top of the stairs in a pile of dripping sick. Lexie clearly also had a side of grass.

Seeing as I now feel Ill anyway I don't mind eating a churned up bowl of something in the same colour scheme. I made a salad of pink grapefruit, peeled cucumber, avocado and nuts. I ate it quickly trying not to look like I liked it too much incase Lexie's watchful eyes suspected an affair and snatched it from my jaws. SO clingy.