It's a point of pride for me to eat the entire apple. Stalk, pips, core. My party trick shall we say. It started when I was working at the eating disorders unit and my delusional soon to be ex boyfriend and soon to be sacked co worker told the patients that apple pips had cyanide in it. To prove a point I ate a whole apple sans stalk infront of a table of malnourished patients with open mouths.
Then I was on the overground recently and I heard three ten year olds talking. "I can eat the whole of an apple" said one smugly. All of it? The others chorused. "Pips, and the core", she bragged. "Oh but not the stalk."
That was when I upgraded. All or nothing.
By now I'm pretty experienced at my apple party trick but I had a bit of a shock recently when an apple pip dropped out my mouth shortly before eating. And it was growing a stalk.
What if that was inside me? What would happen? I've known Douglas Firs grow in people's lungs before from inhaled pine needles. Nice dark warm environment.. This would surely go the same way. I decided not to chance it. I'm probably magical enough! I shall stick to my other two party tricks of downing a pint of water and letting people touch my upper arm skin.
Mollycoddling him further I made us these soft oat and nut snack bars to keep us going. I mixed porridge oats, all mum's honey because i'm sweet like that, jam, nuts and peanut butter together then baked it with a topping of seeds. Having no teeth he does take a while to eat a bar of it but it at least that'll keep him busy whilst he lives forever.
