I thought to save you all a version of Bob's daily line I thought I might write a list of annoying annecdotes I might try to shoehorn into conversation. You can read them, and then that's finished.
So, Alex will be telling me about how hard it is to drag home a rusty three legged bed he found on the street and I'll say, 'Hard! You want to try living for two weeks in Alicante in August...Sometimes I fantasised about throwing myself off the balcony and not even hitting the swimming pool below'
Bob will be raving about nice and long her commute is and I'll say, "Please. I didn't walk anywhere for two months. The one day we had to, Ana got well mad with Cristobal and made his friend Oscar pick us up in his sports car." I've also forgotten how to cook, clean, wash and dry my clothes, hold proper conversations as everything is done for me. It took me at least 30 seconds too long to reply to a question today as I couldn't remember how to form words.
Sashy, Roast and Dashy will be rhapsodising about how cute Frieda is and I'll say, "Cute! Well, just let me tell you about Javier". He has learnt to speak English in an overly dramatic girl way. As well as saying 'oh my gosh' with alarming frequency, he showed me a new playmobile quad bike the other day, saying, 'oh, it's very sweet.' He's going to use 'ooh dreamy' any moment. When he next asks for a kidnap instead of a napkin I might just do it.
Chaz will be talking about how much she craves a big meaty man to replace her remote and I'll gloat, 'Well, on holiday, I ate enough fatty meat to make Laura Corby swoon. Ham on its own, ham in pasta, ham dipped in melon juice. Ham even replaces bread as the bookends of a sandwich here. Sure I want cheese on ham".
Mark and I probably won't talk that often.
Dave and Chris will be steaming me up some succulent bite and I'll say... well actually I'll have my mouth full.
Mum will be telling me about how the TV was broken so she had to watch Parades End on one laptop on the sofa, whilst Ro and her oddly patient boyfriend watched it on a second laptop at the desk in the same room. Slightly out of sync. I'll say, "Tgssh, that's nothing. How about you watch two months of TV in Spanish?" Although on the plus side an episode of Charmed was on one day and I was pleased to understand that Piper seemed to be dying and reuniting with Leo in magic heaven.
Y'esta. (it means done fyi)
So, Alex will be telling me about how hard it is to drag home a rusty three legged bed he found on the street and I'll say, 'Hard! You want to try living for two weeks in Alicante in August...Sometimes I fantasised about throwing myself off the balcony and not even hitting the swimming pool below'
Bob will be raving about nice and long her commute is and I'll say, "Please. I didn't walk anywhere for two months. The one day we had to, Ana got well mad with Cristobal and made his friend Oscar pick us up in his sports car." I've also forgotten how to cook, clean, wash and dry my clothes, hold proper conversations as everything is done for me. It took me at least 30 seconds too long to reply to a question today as I couldn't remember how to form words.
Sashy, Roast and Dashy will be rhapsodising about how cute Frieda is and I'll say, "Cute! Well, just let me tell you about Javier". He has learnt to speak English in an overly dramatic girl way. As well as saying 'oh my gosh' with alarming frequency, he showed me a new playmobile quad bike the other day, saying, 'oh, it's very sweet.' He's going to use 'ooh dreamy' any moment. When he next asks for a kidnap instead of a napkin I might just do it.
Chaz will be talking about how much she craves a big meaty man to replace her remote and I'll gloat, 'Well, on holiday, I ate enough fatty meat to make Laura Corby swoon. Ham on its own, ham in pasta, ham dipped in melon juice. Ham even replaces bread as the bookends of a sandwich here. Sure I want cheese on ham".
Mark and I probably won't talk that often.
Dave and Chris will be steaming me up some succulent bite and I'll say... well actually I'll have my mouth full.
Mum will be telling me about how the TV was broken so she had to watch Parades End on one laptop on the sofa, whilst Ro and her oddly patient boyfriend watched it on a second laptop at the desk in the same room. Slightly out of sync. I'll say, "Tgssh, that's nothing. How about you watch two months of TV in Spanish?" Although on the plus side an episode of Charmed was on one day and I was pleased to understand that Piper seemed to be dying and reuniting with Leo in magic heaven.
Y'esta. (it means done fyi)
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