Murder on the grassfloor

With passions flying in these heated times we thought it was time to cool down a bit with a good old fashioned waterfight. Everyone assembled in the garden wearing a pick n mix of all my old clothes and chucked water balloons at each other whilst the children from next door stared open mouthed. It wasn't that good.... I've not come much further than when Dad would only arm me with a Vitalite tube of water vs the neighbour hoodlum's supersoakers. Forced Conscientious Objector of the modern day.

Once chilled it was time to sit down in the hastily assembled Cath Kidston tent for dinner. We had sausages braised

in cider and shallots, with red cabbage, and sage mash potato. It was delish. For pudding we had strawberries and cream, and managed to leave some cream on our spoons!

Hotel Chocolat

After an indulgent lie in until 8.30am I was up and raring to go. Alex had suggested I 'tret' myself after my gruelling stint of 12 hour shifts hard labour so I sniffed in my room for something to achieve that.

In my chocolate box was the dregs of my birthday chocolate from Dave F so I gobbled that up.

Argh! Chilli! Forgot that it was the white chocolate that had chilli flavouring. My freshly awoken mouth was still too tender for such alarming flavours. Quick, what could extinguish the flames?

Doggie? He looks too sad about that.

What about just his tail? But that would only be a lick. Probably not worth it.

Oohh a glass of milk followed by a bath whilst watching 90210. That sounds like a proper soothe. Although Doggie can only lap up the pleasure of one of those as I don't want him to melt in the hot water.

Shepherd's Cry

I quite thought my last day at work would be accompanied by the sobbing strains of

"Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, you have been the one, you have been the one for me...blah blah."

Alas it wasn't to be. My clients didn't really seem to mind too much. One told me to get lost and refused my handmade origami farewell card..

Luckily Becky Sunshine came over for dinner to cheer me up with her heavenly face. We made a spring shepherd's pie with lots of cream and cheese in the mash to make me feel better. Something which you won't feel after looking at the photos as they look a bit sick.

Waity for Katy

Bob and I both awoke really early with wedding nerves after a night full of anxious nightmares (Rebecca Marsh dying, and Bob making us late by insisting she go to the toilet at my house not in public, respectively).

This was it. Our big day. We met at 10pm in a four mile queue for the Book Club street party. Two hours and lots of Pimms later we were turned away a few people from the door as they'd reached capacity. Not very nice. Mum always said people have room in their hearts for a few more.. Clearly not.

So we scampered off to the Breakfast Club and got "Eggs Royale" and a

bottle of champagne. We enjoyed this, watching the wedding on the iphone propped up by our ketchup bottle.

Unfort there was a little green fly in the dregs of my last glass so I demanded and received another bottle immediately. Two bottles of champagne later I was sick in the toilets and had to go home. I knew the Monarchy made me feel ill!

The river delivered

Most days in my head I end up singing that old classic from Pocahontas: Just around the river bend. It speaks to me because I like water, and I've got really dark brown eyes like her. Kindred.

It goes "La la la, I look once more, Just around the riverbend, Beyond the shore, Where the gulls fly free, Don't know what for, What I dream the day might send, Just around the riverbend, For me, Coming for meeeeeeeeeee."

Well the other day around the river bend I got some right treats. Finally coaxed some boy into liking me a bit you see. He took me to NOPI, just because I'd been going on about Yotam so much. Then we went for a Pimms on the South Bank. THEN we got the boat along the river to Kew. THEN we went for a late lunch on the riverbank. THEN we sat watching the sunset pretending we were locals. I wished I had my designer wellies and my designer dog for that part.

Shall I do a restaurant review? Yes, says my one reader.

Ok then. Nopi was very nice. My lemon pancakes were lovely, and Tom's black rice and mango was also delish. Although the waiter took away our sourbread when we weren't finished. But then the toilets were well cool to make up for it, and this time I wasn't sick in them.

ANTI FAMINE (the game)

Appetites sated, and cava thirst slaked, at Alex's birthday picnic we surveyed the abundance of food strewn before us. Collectively we thought 'ah I wish we could donate all these posh handmade pizzas and poo lentil salads to the victims of worldwide disaster. But how?'

Actually what really happened is that Alex threw a carrot baton at me, then Chazzy threw a satsuma and "Anti Famine" was born. After the first few smears of organic sundried tomato on my clothes I realised it needed stepping up a bit so that's where the head to toe bin bag look came in.