As i may have mentioned, to purify our bodies which are probably as clogged as Indian rivers, we decided to cut out wheat, sugar and alcohol this holiday. We're sure Mum is going to derail us from the latter, but so far, it's 3.15pm on the second day and we're doing pretty well. Yesterday I threw a demi-panic outside the nearest food selling establishment on our walk to lunch (thus forcing us into the arms of the bakery next door). And this morning I crossed my fingers that my savoury donuts were crafted from cashew flour and coconut water. BUT, I refused to let Ro buy mars bars, and we had rice, daal, and beet root stuff for lunch. Eating food with your fingers is even harder than chopsticks FYI. Food kept slipping from my hand. Still, eating slower and smaller mouthfuls is much better for eating less. No wonder all the locals looks so thin! I am on my way to a hot shanty body!
Thursday, 21 February 2013
Content in Kerala
I don't usually feel that happy on holidays abroad. Usually i'm annoyed at people, embarassed about my own presence, or certain that i'm going to get brutally raped and murdered within the hour. South America I'm talking to you.. Ro asked me why I go at all but I think it's like eating ginger. I'm sure I'll like it one day. But, right now I feel very content. Ro and I are slumbering top to tail on a first class train bunk. I have reassuring physical content that someone likes me, I'm full from our delivery of train curry, the warm breeze is not quite suffocating us, and I can see palms waving at the brim of the window. Even Ro is smiling in her sleep when she usually makes this face.
She says she likes being on holiday with me as I make such a big deal out of everything that it makes her feel really successful when she does something that to her is the simplest task. If it was me I'd stay firmly in our 4* hotel with the AC on full, the high thread count linens up to my chin, and the fashion tv channel running all day if there's nothing else on.
The only thing I beat her at today was being more authentic eating our rice and daal with my fingers. She refused, preferring an old bit of cardboard from the box as a scoop. Tourist! It's lucky India likes messy eaters.
Thursday, 14 February 2013
Franollonionism
I should really be saving my East London NHS Trust fund as i don't have a job, but i decided Ro and i should go to India.
Ways to make our money back from the flight:
5 magazines stolen from first class
2 glasses champagne
One bottle white wine
2 packets mixed strange nuts which Ro confiscated under the category of unenjoyable calories
Hand cream from plane toilet
1 blanket
Ten curries
So far India is practically free. When we arrived, despite swearing off wheat, sugar, and fun, we got samosas and deep fried bananas for lunch. We gave the waitress the equivalent of fifty pence rather than five pence and she nearly fell on the floor with gratitude.
I should probably stop being so flippant and be sent to the airport's 'Refusal Room' to have appreciation drummed into me.
Friday, 4 January 2013
As time moves nearer to my homecoming I thought I would reflect on what I have learnt on my Gap Yah.
1) I can just about survive with a hand towel to dry after showers. Although i have to wash my hair and body seperately.
2) Stretchy pink jeans are not my only piece of clothing.
3) I don't seem adverse to wearing the same pair of pants for three days. Even after an unfortunate street food incident.
4) People seem to still like me when dressed in head to toe red fleece and goretex. I shall thus make even less effort at home.
5) I look better after shedding my buttery tomb of flesh aka two stone. I can still crunk, dont worry.
6) That even though I have had a good time, home is still better. Ahhhhhh.....
1) I can just about survive with a hand towel to dry after showers. Although i have to wash my hair and body seperately.
2) Stretchy pink jeans are not my only piece of clothing.
3) I don't seem adverse to wearing the same pair of pants for three days. Even after an unfortunate street food incident.
4) People seem to still like me when dressed in head to toe red fleece and goretex. I shall thus make even less effort at home.
5) I look better after shedding my buttery tomb of flesh aka two stone. I can still crunk, dont worry.
6) That even though I have had a good time, home is still better. Ahhhhhh.....
Thursday, 27 December 2012
Corny
I had a very strange bus journey last weekend. I started travelling at 8.30am Saturday morning, and finished at 5pm Sunday. As usual I didnt speak to anyone, but I think i did have a bit of a romance.
Before catching the second leg of the bus I settled down to a two course two dollar extravaganza in the bus journey. Now that I´ve discerned that the foggy feeling is salt not rohypnoll I dont mind eating it. The first course was a sort of plant broth with the usual floating potato and chunk of meat, and the second was fried chicken, chips and rice.
Very full I got on the new bus to find I was sitting next to a healthy looking Peruvian late teen. Healthy means robust like a piglet, strong and ready, before 20 years of fried chicken chips and rice twice a day cause back fat.
As night fell and the lights were turned off we realised that the bus swinging from steep curve to curve on the mountain roads meant that we were going to get no comfort. We could only manage to stay still by unconsciously jamming out knees together. His was just like memory foam. Perfect. He also sweetly and wordlessly laid his blanket over me as well. I was a bit worried we were going to go a bit far at that point but I was cold so I took it.
I fell asleep and awoke to find my head was on something really soft. Oh gosh. Only a thicket of young black Peruvian hair could be that soft. I´d been sleeping cuddled onto his head. I´m worse than Joe Court!
But it was really comfy and he didn´t seem to mind so I kept with it and went back to sleep.
Then about six o´clock the light came in and as i saw his poor unlined oily face lying on my shoulder. I didnt want my fleece soaking THAT up! I managed to extract myself and concentrate on watching the six back to back films the bus showed that day. It is SO much better to watch romances than experience them.
Let me tell you I was glad when I saw how he ate his giant finger sucking sweetcorn snack later like a wolf. These youngsters have too much energy.
Before catching the second leg of the bus I settled down to a two course two dollar extravaganza in the bus journey. Now that I´ve discerned that the foggy feeling is salt not rohypnoll I dont mind eating it. The first course was a sort of plant broth with the usual floating potato and chunk of meat, and the second was fried chicken, chips and rice.
Very full I got on the new bus to find I was sitting next to a healthy looking Peruvian late teen. Healthy means robust like a piglet, strong and ready, before 20 years of fried chicken chips and rice twice a day cause back fat.
As night fell and the lights were turned off we realised that the bus swinging from steep curve to curve on the mountain roads meant that we were going to get no comfort. We could only manage to stay still by unconsciously jamming out knees together. His was just like memory foam. Perfect. He also sweetly and wordlessly laid his blanket over me as well. I was a bit worried we were going to go a bit far at that point but I was cold so I took it.
I fell asleep and awoke to find my head was on something really soft. Oh gosh. Only a thicket of young black Peruvian hair could be that soft. I´d been sleeping cuddled onto his head. I´m worse than Joe Court!
But it was really comfy and he didn´t seem to mind so I kept with it and went back to sleep.
Then about six o´clock the light came in and as i saw his poor unlined oily face lying on my shoulder. I didnt want my fleece soaking THAT up! I managed to extract myself and concentrate on watching the six back to back films the bus showed that day. It is SO much better to watch romances than experience them.
Let me tell you I was glad when I saw how he ate his giant finger sucking sweetcorn snack later like a wolf. These youngsters have too much energy.
Tuesday, 25 December 2012
Sunday, 23 December 2012
A cleansing experience
Somehow, under the influence of Paula´s proper traveller curiosity, we ended up in Bolivia for two days. We stayed one night in Copacabana, which was pouring with rain not rum or whatever it is meant to be in the song, and then got the boat to The Island of the Sun.
Once there we settled in a cafe shack to have a hot chocolate as it was still raining. Wrapped up in all our clothes, even our pajamas, we attracted quite a lot of attention, and soon we were chatting to the table next to us.
I asked them why they had come to South America and they said it was to take part in the medicine ceremony. By that i think they mean, ´to get hallucinogenic cactus drugs´, but tomato tomatooooo. They talked in rapturous tones for a long time about how it had changed their lives. They said it made them see how their life should be, recognise their true characters, and be at one with nature. Of course as well it makes you get a lot of diarrhea. Paula and I liked their stories but decided we could do all this for ourselves. Isn´t finding your true self what your gap yah is?
We got some egg sandwiches off the streetstall and decided to go for a hike of the coastline once the rain had cleared. We were high on the cliffs above the blue sea, and animals were popping out everywhere. Crossly, I kept pointing out at each fresh stray donkey or pig or chicken, that we WERE being at one with nature. There´s nature, there´s nature, and there it is again, as a sheep baaaed across out path.
And then I had to run back from the hike as the egg sandwich off the street hit my delicate stomach. So I even got the cleansing finale.
Once there we settled in a cafe shack to have a hot chocolate as it was still raining. Wrapped up in all our clothes, even our pajamas, we attracted quite a lot of attention, and soon we were chatting to the table next to us.
I asked them why they had come to South America and they said it was to take part in the medicine ceremony. By that i think they mean, ´to get hallucinogenic cactus drugs´, but tomato tomatooooo. They talked in rapturous tones for a long time about how it had changed their lives. They said it made them see how their life should be, recognise their true characters, and be at one with nature. Of course as well it makes you get a lot of diarrhea. Paula and I liked their stories but decided we could do all this for ourselves. Isn´t finding your true self what your gap yah is?
We got some egg sandwiches off the streetstall and decided to go for a hike of the coastline once the rain had cleared. We were high on the cliffs above the blue sea, and animals were popping out everywhere. Crossly, I kept pointing out at each fresh stray donkey or pig or chicken, that we WERE being at one with nature. There´s nature, there´s nature, and there it is again, as a sheep baaaed across out path.
And then I had to run back from the hike as the egg sandwich off the street hit my delicate stomach. So I even got the cleansing finale.
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