China Girl

The other night when Chaz, Bob and I were being wined and date-raped (not!) by the band of generous Turks we were mildly baffled when one asked me if I was a bit Jap. Before I could wrinkle my brow Chazney interjected, 'She can be anything you want her to be' (..as long as you keep giving us free gins and chicken shish..). Now, when I say only mildly baffled it's because although you'd think this query is completely startling I do receive it probably about five times a year (on average). Put it down to dark hair and pallor coupled with a look of incomprehension when strangers I don't want to be on the same bus as try to talk to me, the occasional coat buttoned up the wrong way, and according to a colleague who enquired about my cultural background, a certain roundness of face.

To do honour to my faux roots I took 'certain people' to China Town today. I didn't really enjoy my shrimp and vegetable vermicelli but they slurped up theirs happily. Must taste better than tinned macaroni cheese eaten with wooden spoon.

As that wasn't very tasty todays recipe is going to come instead from my escape to Pink Granny and Grampa's for Friday and Sat. We had a beautiful prawn and lime risotto suggested by our very own Dave W.

Soften one red onion, one stick celery. Commence risotto with liberal application of vermouth. As you keep stirring and it develops add one chopped courgette. Add lime juice as the arborio rice swells up to absorb it. Add the prawns just before finished. Grate a bit of lime on to the top. Serve with parmesan.

We had two puddings. One was very refreshing with layers of orange, with sweet juice and cinnamon. Oh also had home made cinnamon ice cream. The chocolate cake was rich chocolate tart baked in a crisp pastry case. Had that with double cream. Mum had iced it with my Granny and Grampa's initials when she'd been there a few days before but we scraped that off. Bit old. Everything else was sublime.

Have to dash as am off to a party xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chilli Con Carnage!

Sheltering in my room from the football louts I began humming a little song in my head to drown out the shrieks emitting from Jim's room. "I'm thinkin' about my doorbell. When ya gonna ring it, when ya gonna ring it". And what should happen but Alex rang the buzzer to rescue me! Aah Jack and Meg worked their magic for me now just as they used to in Mosh. Oh Hi boys. So prompt. Do come in.

Anyway, Alex cut through my cloud of reminiscing and we began to make, well, he made whilst I supplied ingredients, chilli con carne and banana cake. I just made a lot of mess. Accidentally hit Mark on the head with the frying pan! Sorry.

We gobbled up the chilli with slightly off sour cream then went to watch some iplayer in my quiet time room (we had seen each other yesterday so didn't have much new to catch up on) until the banana cake was ready.

What a warm crumbly delight. I had lots and lots.

Banana bread was 150g sugar, plain flour, butter, then sultanas, few tablespoons of sunflower oil, two eggs, a few teaspoons of bicarb and baking powder, 2 mashed bananas. Get a boy to mix it up for you, pop it in a greased loaf tin and in the oven for 40 mins at G5.

Then Alex sped home to bed (sped because he was on his bike not because he was fleeing me- we love to see each other most nights) and I retired with a cushion over my head.

Bye for now pistache xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Piece a' pizazz.

After a whole afternoon at work being made to talk about 'my feelings' when I don't have any coupled with a bike ride home in the blistering freeze with hail in my eyes, I was feeling cold both inside and out. Was about to head out in the arctic again to meet Alex for a pizza so I decided to layer up by eating nearly an entire 500g slab of cooking chocolate. Mm maybe I'll blubber up like a seal. That will keep me warm.

Alex had parma ham and mascarpone on his pizza and mine was a razzle dazzle with an entire farmyard. Alex remarked that he sometimes doesn't like parma ham because it tastes too much of pig but with a herd of cow, pig and whatever was in that meatball on mine I really couldn't empathise.

p.s to all my vegelez fans I'm very sorry. I did have nut cutlet the day before!

Sweet dreams treasure trails xxxxxxxxxx

Toot Toot

All aboard for the Becky and Franniversary! Being exactly a year since the warmth of Becky Sunshine started to shine upon my life we decided to go out for a Hwot date. We'd passed the Rootmaster once whilst dawdling around Brick Lane once and realised it was the perfect intimate venue for one vegelesbian and one lover of puns. Felt very special as there were only about four tables on the upper deck, all candle lit with a scattering of cushions. Comfort first I always say. I devoured organic nut cutlet served with oh so soft polenta & drizzled with a red wine & mushroom gravy. Accompanied by mixed green salad & garlic mushrooms. And Becky munched up Teriyaki stir fry which was fresh seasonal market vegetables, cashew nuts and locally made organic tofu wok seared in an a la carte teriyaki sauce. Served with organic brown rice. All washed down with organic beers.

Cheers. Here's to another year!

Lots of love fruitcakes xxxxxxx

Spring has SPRRUNG!

Well at Chris's party anyway!

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Isn't that the most bountiful spread you've ever seen? The table was practically Grroaning.

I had Ed Banger cocktails and some other one that Dave told me was rimmed with sugar but once it greeted my mouth was actually salt. Pllfft. Also bruschetta, sweet potato and mozzarella and chilli bites, savoury muffins, and salmon with green beans, peas and new potatoes. oh p.s also roast butternut squash filled with rice and stuff. A Mum's wet dream. And Chris baked his own tear and share. Dave was his soux chef/watching tv. They could probably give a more correct story of what everything was as all I knew was that it tasted good and I had a lot. At one point I found myself saying to my NBF Gwendoline that I wasn't drinking. By that I mean I've only had five cocktails, two glasses of cava bien merci et vous and some red wine (for the iron). I was very sorry to leave at 11.30pm but it was a Sunday and unlike SOME people I've got a proper job.

Thanks so much Chris! You'll have to come round to the estate soon for a dinner that isn't as good.

p.s.s I'm really sorry but I have to be embarrassing and crow that there were A list (and less list but no less loved) actors present. A feast for the eyes as well as the stomach.

Sweet slumber feathers xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think I need a rest!

My eyes were hurting after all I'd seen that so far that weekend (including the below)

so Chazzle and I parted at the tube and I tottered off to Blue Granny's for a soothe on Saturday evening. I had a nice Shepherd's pie for dinner which I now have a spare one of for my school lunches, and a creme brulee. Then I had a hot bubbly bath and an early night.

After a massive lie in the next day, a game of scrabble and plenty of elevenses we had lunch of roast pork, carrots, parnsips, brussel sprouts and mash potato and mini jacket potatoes. In my opinion no meal is complete without two types of potato.

This is a picture of a bit of it in the oven. Granny doesn't approve of my blog as I 'should have better things to do' so I have to be sly with my photography. The bottom dish is rice pudding. it's very easy to make. Place rice and sugar in an ovenproof dish, pour in milk liquid and give it a good stir. Grate whole nutmeg all over the surface and dot butter on top in little flecks. Pop the dish in the oven for 30 minutes then give it a good stir. Then pop the dish back in the oven to cook for another hour. At the end of this time the rice grains will have become swollen, with pools of creamy liquid all around them, and, of course, all that lovely skin!

I'm really tired now so I shall save the rest of my news for tomorrow. Sleep tight easter eggs xxxxxx

Morning!

Aah. As we stretched out in our make up smeared rumpled sheets (this is me and chaz, bob was on the floor) memories of the previous night flooded in and we laughed death in the face. Pahahaha.

Somehow we managed to get ourselves together and stumbled merrily to Borough market to meet David Haddrell and Alex and Sue.

I thought that a mountain of melted strong cheese was the perfect antidote to our night on the Bosphorus and it was very tasty but I can still smell it now!

We then went to up our blood sugar with mountains of cheesecake.

oooh. Then Bob and David Haddrell jetted off on the river and the rest of us went to the Tate Modern. Alex and Sue said they'd meet Chazzle and I in the black hole in the Turbine Gallery once they'd had their mother-son cig so we burrowed right to the back of the hole, sat down, and cuddled into a nap. aAah it was so soothing and dark in the back corner. Unfortunately we were awoken by Alex's voice breaking the darkness,' As if some people are sitting down' as he and Sue tripped over my knee. Oh Hi, only us!

Bye for now pork chops xxxxxxxx

If you don't ask you don't get

Otherwise known as 'The night we could have died four times'.

Time 1) Bob, Chazzle and I went out on Ladies night to Moustache bar. We just wanted somewhere with an intimate dancefloor and a dj to shout requests at. We weren't going to buy drinks though so we each smuggled two cans of beer in in our tights. Bob and Chazzle were sitting on the steps up to the smoking room dolling out their beer when a few Turks approached us. They said they were the owners of the bar and we shouldn't be drinking our own drinks. Chaz demanded to know what they expected us to drink when we couldn't afford to buy drinks from their bar. They said they'd buy us drinks so we shouted for three double vodka and lemonades and an alliance was formed for the night.

2) After quite a while holding court in Moustache with a constant stream of free drinks a few of the Lads night party turned up (Dave, Roast, Sashy). Dave said their reaction to us was like when you leave new puppies alone in the house with the buffet you've prepared for your special party and you come back and the puppies wag their tails and look at you like 'what us? we haven't ruined anything..' Once the boys and sashy had left because we were being too wild the bar closed and the Turks said they'd get us some food. The next thing we know we're being led through this secret passage way from the bar into a barbers shop next door! It was called the Golden Scissors and they offered to cut out hair.

3)

Luckily that didn't end all Sweeney Todd and we demanded to be taken to a restaurant. I didn't get to

choose my food as I was downstairs being a bit sick and Chaz and Bob had lost the ability to read so just ordered a huge platter of Chicken Shish and Salade. The main Turk had ordered me this grey soup which the girls implored me not to eat but I did anyway. The next morning looking at the menu we'd smuggled away it became apparent that the soup was TRIPE. Well at least it wasn't rohypnol!

4) Once we didn't fancy any more gin or meat we said we'd like to go home and they gave us their private car to whizz with trepidation back to Chaz's in. We sang along to Snoop dog the whole way then jumped out the car and banged Chaz's metal gate in their faces. Earlier the King Turk's interpreter had said that they didn't usually hang out with Western girls because they were intimidating. Well I don't think they will be again!

Got loads more posts to catch up on so bye for now poptarts xxxxxxx

Here come the girls! irls irls irls

Oh Hi. This is coming atcha from girl mansion. A.k.a Chazzy's house. I've been left to my own devices whilst girl 1 and girl 2 pile on the make up or lace elsewhere. Can just hear little whoops and cries from distant rooms. Bob is wearing tassles and keeps getting them caught on door knobs. Ouch. They've left me all this pink cava bien merci and I just don't know what to do with it! I of course was ready hours ago. Don't have much to do with this face..

Oops better go. Have been apprehended.

p.s we had salmon risotto.

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I hate to go on..

But I've finally acquired a photo of my favourite food based advertising campaign.

Thanks, Dave. After weeks of running back up and down fast moving escalators and intrepid standing in the middle of the road opposite bus stops all I had accumulated was blurs of 'Hyde Park Korma' and 'Mornington Pheasant' et al. Dave and his kindly Iphone have done me a big service.

Now the trouble is deciding what to demonstrate this post with out of the assembled tube stops. Would you like me to eat Charring Croissants? or Mussel Square? or Vindaloo? I would hold a vote if I thought more than three people will read this post but as I definitely will be alone in my quandary in the pressing hunger before lunch I'd better make an executive decision.

Lunch is going to be GREENS PARK with a side of Puddington (the gooseberry and custard tart rearing its troublesome head again).

Ooh i was so hungry I had a writing break to gobble that. The pasta was very green being wholewheat with spinach, green peppers, pine nuts and a delicious fresh pesto Mum had bought me from Borough market. I've also decided that the custard and gooseberry tart is actually nice. The gooseberries had an exciting zing to the soothing custard and pastry. But I am glad it's gone now as every time I looked in the fridge I was reminded of the cruel blow that Nigella had dealt me on Monday.

oh p.s lunch is in tupperware as I thought i'd be out but I managed to escape about five hours early. I do usually use plates in the home.

I'm busy watching loose women so i'd better go. Have a good day kids xxxxxxxxxxx

What a wild gooseberry chase!

Eurgh, well as I complained to you earlier in the week Nigella messed up my Monday with a lack of adequate instruction on her gooseberry and custard pie. I work now you know, Nige. Can't be running around fretting over unfinished pastry. Haven't the time. Luckily I do actually only work until 4.30pm most days so I was able to experiment with baking the pie once I'd fully ascertained nothing was happening in the fridge (setting wise).

So yes, I baked it and it was alright. It is nice but it feels a bit tainted with the shame of initial failure. I feel like I can't throw it away so I've had a piece for lunch pudding two days, a nibble here and there with tea and Roasty even enjoyed it as our pudding yesterday evening when he popped round after work. You've had the photos on Monday so I won't bore you again.

Earlier in the evening Marky made me the most wonderful bramley apple and pork sausages with a pile of mash potato and asparagus. Asparagus is one of my favourite things in the world. He said he wanted us to have a treat. What a dream.

That has to be the best presentation WYDUAS has seen.

Happy and full we watched Newswipe until Roasty popped round later on. I can't quite recall whether what he had for dinner was my fault or his choice but it was a mash potato sandwich with cheese and a bit of gravy.

Well who doesn't love mash. It was only a matter of time before it made it into the sandwich aisles.

Have some important tv catching up today on this sunny afternoon so I'd better dash

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I Shrove them wild!

I remarked to Alex on Tuesday that my dough levels were getting low so I'd decided that we should eat pancakes for our main and pudding that night. He reminded me that I'd just told him I had pancakes for brunch that morning (a part of my work that I enjoy is 'therapeutic eating'). Oh yes. Well that was about 9 hours earlier. My body is at least 75% H2Dough and really needs constant injections of flour and egg.

Look at Marky flipping them! Isn't he a whizz.

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I created a savoury pancake main with a filling of peppers, quorn, fajita spice mix, onions, and grated cheese, and also sour cream. Then we had pudding of pancakes with golden syrup and lemon and sugar.

mmmmmmmm xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pounce!

If I was a Borrower I would be mighty glad to be taken to the Haymarket Hotel and come across these mini burgers!

I make burgers by combining mince, chopped onion, breadcrumbs, grated cheese, and eggs to bind. Cook them for some time. Then cuddle them with buns. Mmm. Whip up some wedges and gently warm some cherry tomatoes with fresh basil in a pan for some moisture.

Make them tiny for the little people in your life. Or for starters.

Even though I am 5ft 7.5 and so far from being a Borrower I was still extremely glad to be taken for a Butterscotch cocktail and a peruse of the mini menu here. Thank you ever so much, Chris. It was such a dream. For any other fans of the colour red fyi this place is entirely decked out in the stuff. I must have been camouflaged like this.

Couldn't even find the other Hwot Totty! Apart from my table companions of course.

Sweet dreams lemondrops

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Oh what a silly goose, forgot I had pastry yesterday!

Last night Alex popped over with some dinner (spaghetti carbonara) so I thought i'd whip us up a tart with some leftover pastry. Pastry is fast becoming quite a staple for me so I thought i'd jazz it up with some gooseberries Blue Granny gave me. Nigella recommended gooseberry and custard pie. I followed her recipe to the letter(ish) but it was really weird. She let me down by not telling me to chill it or bake it. I had a slice as I like pastry and custard and gooseberries but it did really just feel like a bowlful of those three elements. Imagine if a cake tasted like a bowlful of flour, an egg and some sugar..

I shall try again with it later once I've sought some advice from elsewhere. Clearly all that goose fat has gone to her head!

Bye sugar lips xxxxxxxxxxx

Did I mention this little piggy went to Borough market?

I don't think I've introduced you properly to my piggy bank. He's absolutely impossible to squeeze money out of but I do like a good inanimate animal. Pets without the hassle. Sorry Lexie.

I bet Pig wouldn't approve but today for lunch I had the most incredible fresh pasta from Borough market. This isn't really a recipe post. More of a brag. I will however tell those pasta makers out there that it contained pork sausage, porcini mushroom, grana cheese, red wine, olive oil and some other fun stuff. I also bought some mushroom pate when I went which I liberally daubed on. Made work more palatable. I don't mind warming up cans of macaroni cheese as long as I don't have to have it/even be in the same room as the person consuming it.

Sorry the photo is so al dente. Didn't think work would enjoy food paparazzi.

Laters gaters xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mud pies

When some are alone they bedazzle their VJJ but I luckily had Bob to come over this evening to inject a little sparkle into my life.

We had meatballs and spaghetti. Finely chop garlic, onion, add to breadcrumbs, grated cheese and bind with egg into small balls. Make tasty tomato sauce with chopped toms, peas, puree, basil etc. If you also are cooking for a lot of boys get them to go to buy garlic bread as the chances are that they'll get enough for ten. MM and I'll have that leftover and your leftover.

We breezed through a pudding of Mississippi mud pie. Seemed to be just melt chocolate, add egg yolks, add whipped up egg whites. Chill. Oh I blind baked the pastry first.

I'd been a right girl and accidentally bought 'Ps i love you' because it was artfully placed near the till in the supermarket but we got sucked into watching X-men with the boys. I was sitting infront of Bob so she stroked my hair lovingly. I bet she doesn't do that to Haddrell. Although she was probably just feeling guilty for giving me a Valentines card that read 'Roses are red, violets are blue, one in fourteen have chlamydia, don't let it be you.'

Apparently the NHS sends them to everyone in Croyden.

Bob has left now but I don't mind because I've got these to cuddle

Happy Valentines Day my angels xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Borough Mmm-get me everything

Went to Borough Market with C on Saturday and spent a happy hour perusing and abusing the tasters. I was practically full before we left. Luckily I did have room for a Greek lamb burger with grilled halloumi and about 1/3 of Mum's melted cheese on crushed potato with gherkins. Was SO nice. We also got brownies then forgot we had those and got four baklava. Kept us going there and back on the train to Hampton Court.

Hampton Court was amazing. I really like hearing about the Tudors. Did you know that they used pies as a baking style? They didn't eat the pastry. Just used it as a vessel to cook in then scooped out the contents. No internet OR shortcrust. What a life.

We went in the maze, attended a Henry's wedding and I got to wear a red velvet Tudor outfit which I accidentally went home in. AhWhoopsy.

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Biscuit tray-ning

As soon as I helter-skeltered into the induction training on fri I could tell it was going to be a bad day. So dull. The only good thing was the abundance of biscuits available but I accidentally dropped one of my first into my coffee so it plopped it all everywhere. I scooped it out and settled it on my saucer and it slid dolefully around making a scene.

Mostly ate biscuits all day so they're on the brain.

Nigella's recipe for heart shaped custard creams is:

175g plain flour, 3 tbls custard pwdr, 1 tsp baking powder, 50g butter, 3 tbls caster shugs, 1 egg beaten, 1 tbs milk or more to bind. Gas mark 4. Create crumbly mixture with flr, custard powder, baker powder, then cubes of butter. Add sugar, egg, milk to make a ball. Rest in clingfilm in fridge for 20 mins. Roll dough out and cut out hearts. Prick outside of hearts with dots. Cook for 15 mins. Make custard cream by combining 1tbls custard pwdr, 100g icing shugs, 50g butter, into smooth cream. add 1 tsp boiling water. Sandwich. Careful as they're FRANgible!

Also we played team games which obvs I won all of. The leader complimented me on my competitive spirit! I was just the most cut throat. The others had no chance. I won loads of sweets but I won't tell you any recipes as Rowntrees Randoms will take ages to explain.

Off for a day out with C so toodles poodles xxxxxxxx

Do-ce-Dough!

"Firstly, that's illegal. Secondly your tyre is really flat". That is what some bike lord commented to me when Dave and I were flying through the park on Rhapsody one fine day. But I had a Cath Kidston cushion on the bike so Dave was perfectly comfy cuddled up to me. As long as the laws of comfort aren't violated it's alright in my eyes. And believe me that rules a lot of other behaviour out..

Anyway, the bike lord was incorrect on his second point as my perfectly springy tyre has carried me to work and back and with its final fling into the bosom of Alex's hearth this evening.

We had a cushiony soft meal of quiche and "tear and share" bread. And green beans and salade, but they didn't involve dough so the less said about them the better. For some reason the joke this meal time was that I eat all the food so I kept getting the leftovers literally forced into my mouth (soft bread remember so it didn't hurt a bit) by Alex and Dave.
Chazney had given life to a Berry Pavlova so we had a wonderfully fruity crumbly yet silky soft dessert. When the majority had been polished up I noticed that Dave's fingers were also hunting for crumbs on the plate. My heart fluttered with 'oh no I hope i'm not going to have to push him out the way' but then when his sticky fingers met my mouth I realised that he was actually foraging for me. He's so self sacrificing!

Cycled back with ease and am looking forward to bed.

Sweet slumber my meringues xxxxxxxxxx